I barely woke up at 7:15. Then I Packed my lunch and picked some snack after having breakfast. Afterwards I headed to work. It took about 45 minutes for the ride and for the walk. I took 2 taxis and finally showed up at work at 9 AM. Then, I picked a seat, as I work in a shared workspace, and took my laptop out and started working. Since then, I have been working and studying. Meanwhile, I listen to music, chat with friends, set appointments and so on. There are many concerns with which I should get along. Like making enough money, dealing with my past, submitting university homework, contacting old customers, as I am a freelancer, and taking care of my household chores. Anyways, I finally finished working and jumped to my website. As a freelancer, updating portfolio is essential for branding and signing new contracts. Now I am going to visit my therapist, Majid. He is a wise and professional advisor. He has so far taught me many lessons and therefore I am now happier with life and can bear more challenges. After that I will go home and get ready for a breathtaking exercise in the gym. Then I will be happy to see my mom at home and hang out with her. Sleeping is the last part of today’s journey.
My problems:
- “Then I Packed my lunch…” → “Packed” should be lowercase: “Then, I packed my lunch…”
- “Picked some snack” → “Snack” is singular, but “some” suggests plural. It should be: “Picked a snack” or “Picked some snacks.”
- “It took about 45 minutes for the ride and for the walk.” → The phrasing is awkward. Better: “The commute, including both the ride and the walk, took about 45 minutes.”
- “I took 2 taxis” → Numbers below 10 should generally be written out: “I took two taxis.”
- “Finally showed up at work” → “Showed up” sounds informal; “arrived” is better: “Finally arrived at work.”
- “Took my laptop out and started working.” → Should be parallel with “picked a seat”: “I picked a seat, took out my laptop, and started working.”
- “Meanwhile, I listen to music, chat with friends, set appointments and so on.” → A missing comma before “and so on”: “set appointments, and so on.”
- “Concerns with which I should get along.” → “Get along” is incorrect here. “Deal with” is better: “Concerns I have to deal with.”
- “Like making enough money…” → “Like” should be replaced with “such as” in formal writing: “such as making enough money…”
- “Jumped to my website” → “Jumped onto” is more natural: “Jumped onto my website.”
- “Updating portfolio” → Should be “updating my portfolio.”
- “Signing new contracts” → “Securing new contracts” sounds more professional.
- “He is a wise and professional advisor. He has so far taught me many lessons and therefore I am now happier with life and can bear more challenges.”
- “He has so far taught me many lessons” → “So far, he has taught me many valuable lessons.”
- “Therefore I am now happier with life and can bear more challenges.” → Needs better flow: “Thanks to him, I am now happier with life and better equipped to handle challenges.”
- “Get ready for a breathtaking exercise in the gym.” → “Breathtaking” is unnatural here. Better: “an intense workout at the gym.”
- “Sleeping is the last part of today’s journey.” → “Sleeping” should be “sleep” for a more natural ending: “Sleep will be the final part of today’s journey.”